Despite having NACA jet-cooled 14.4-inch brake rotors and massive eight-piston calipers with a unique brake pad per pair of pistons, one of the Fly Yellow RS4s we're test-driving coasts into the pits at Willow Springs Raceway with the 12.8-inch rear brakes smoking like a hibachi. Tipping the scales at just under 4,000 pounds, the new RS4 is no bantamweight, but that's likely not the problem. You see, each eager scribe is allowed a scant four laps at a time, and though Audi insists, none of us want to use the last lap to cool the car down.
We've come hurtling through mountain passes for two hours to arrive at a track designed before the advent of low-speed corners, and we're to culminate the day with some fast-paced canyon carving. Which, yeah, that'll be fine. Because a car that rolls off the showroom floor with a 420 bhp V-8 that'll rev 'til 8250 rpm and make 90 percent of its peak torque from 2250 to 7000 rpm isn't that easy to put down.
The RS4 disguises its weight and defies physics like an Airbus A380 in a Weight Watchers-meets-Houdini act that has much to do with the steering. It's quite a bit quicker than that of the plain-Jane S4 but remains extremely speed variable. It's odd to have effortless steering when parking but a tight, heavy rack at speed. It feels a tad fabricated, but hey, it certainly works. Most of the Audi's tremendous ground covering ability is a result of, as usual, mechanical innovation, coupled with a little dose of expensive electronic trickery.
Take the suspension, for example, in which the dampers of each corner are diagonally connected. Because they share the same reservoir, the rear of the car is able to predict what's coming next based on the displacement of fluid from the front. The system is fully mechanical and all but eliminates pitch and roll. It's essentially identical to the Kinetic systems that have been outlawed in WRC competition due to their effectiveness.
The suspension is just one example of how a car that dangles most of its massive V8 ahead of the front axle line manages to throw its weight around like a rear-wheel driver -- the revised, rear-biased (40F/60R) TORSEN Quattro system is the other big mechanical reason. The rear bias seems to be exactly what the doctor ordered to cure terminal understeer.
As great as the DSG is, it doesn't make an appearance in the six-speed RS4, which should make stick-shift lovers happy. The only electronic interference with a damn good time, the ESP, has a two-stage defeat; stage one kills the traction control only, and stage two kills the stability control as well.
There's a reason these things weigh so much. Like all new Audis, the RS4 is downright lavish inside. With the "S" button off, it's reasonably quiet too. Because of American crash regulations, we don't get the cool, alloy-trimmed D-shaped steering wheel or the Konig bucket seats. The irony: Audi reckons the super-bolstered Konig seats actually protect the occupants more in a crash than the side airbags. Other than that, though, the materials are top-notch and the gizmos work right. Except for the GPS, that is. Using it is as backwards and confusing as installing and configuring Soundblaster 8 on your 386 was.
Audi's anticipating sales of about 1,000 units in the first year, so if you're 85-percent male, 65-percent married, have 25-percent children and make about $175,000, get your $66,000 (base) order in soon. If you're not, you can always look into selling the 25-percent children... Oh, and good news: The "sunroof delete" is free! What a (brilliant) way to say, "You're getting charged for the sunroof whether you want it or not."