2006 Ultimate Street Car Challenge

Ride Quality
This year, SCC wisely ditched the 'Grandma Test,' dumping the shriveled, cross-dressing matriarch with large hands and an Adam's apple, for me, a far younger, much hotter, and unquestionably female ride quality evaluator. Just call me 'The Girlfriend'-your average twenty-something Southern California girl with a penchant for fast cars and the moneyed men who fix 'em up.

Like most girlfriends, I'm really pretty easy-going as long you understand a few things. I'm okay with the fact that you keep a gold-digging mistress (your car) so long as you keep me festooned with jewelry from Tiffany & Co. I'll nod in agreement as you explain the importance of increasing the power-to-weight ratio of your car, but won't stand for a ride that lacks all-important amenities like vanity mirrors and reclining leather seats. No air-conditioning in your whip? Then odds are good I'll dump your ass. And I'd rather walk or take the bus than be seen in a car without power windows.

Like me, your car should be built for comfort, not for speed. Why? Because my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and losing my precious points in the USCC can cost you the title as well as a quickie in the parking lot.

As you can see, I chose the appropriate track attire for ride evaluation: a low-cut top, miniskirt and three-inch heels. Heavy eye make-up was key, as any signs of smeared mascara or melting eye shadow would be tangible evidence of an unacceptably hot and uncomfortable ride totally unfit for this girlfriend.

Steve Mitchell should probably stick to picking up chicks in his GT-R because the 350Z, complete with roll cage and harness belts, would repel women better than parachute pants and a mullet. The photographer delighted in taking photos of me trying to worm out of the Z without exposing myself in a manner more appropriate to Hustler than SCC. The 410 wheel-hp is impressive. An obnoxiously loud Vortech supercharger and Bride seats made for Vietnamese concentration camp detainees are most definitely not.

Robispec's Evo flew like a bat out of a high desert hellhole, so his air-conditioning was stellar and overall comfort ranked high on the score sheet. Unfortunately, its ultra-stiff suspension made my breasts bounce uncomfortably all over the road-maybe fun for you, but definitely not for me. That and a faulty passenger-side seatbelt knocked several points off. After all, what kind of sicko wants a girlfriend with a fractured skull?

With only adequate amenities and jolting stiff suspension, Crawford's WRX didn't exactly break through the pack, but at least it earns an honorable mention for the baby seat in the back. Hugely nerdy, but still amusing in a family man sorta way.

As expected, the Paul Dentice GT-R delivered everything a girl could want in a street-legal supercar, including comfortable seats, power windows, air-conditioning, plus a smooth, smooth ride. And it doesn't hurt that said vehicle just happens to be one of my all-time favorite cars.

But the highest praise must go to the HPA Beetle. Easy ingress and egress that didn't require Copperfield tricks or yoga flexibility earned high marks, but it was the dreamy leather seats and exceptionally supple ride that won this girl over.
-Jackie Liu

The Big Picture
Half of the fun of this new test is watching Jackie struggle to get in and out of the car with her high heels and the headband she calls a miniskirt. The other half is watching the car owners interact with her. Forget quarter mile times, it's amazing how fast some of these guys go from car dork to sleaze bag.

HPA scores its first win, while Paul Dentice scores his first podium finish and reinforces a new modern truth-chicks dig Skylines.