We might as well live on a different planet. Us car guys, that is.
I had a revelation recently in the strangest place. It happened on my way to work at the top of an on-ramp. I was driving our flat-black Project WRX STi. This isn't usually the kind of place where I do my existential thinking, but this morning it suited me well enough. As I slowed down to merge into traffic (yes, slowed down), I realized the stupidity of the situation. It occurred to me that we have some amazing machinery in the Sport Compact Car garage. Not amazing in the soul-searching, life-changing sense. Rather, amazing in the really-freaking-fast, holy-crap-I'm-gonna-kill-myself sense.
Project STi is a good case in point for this argument. So is Project EVO. Hell, even our lowly SRT-4 will cover most roads fast enough to make any sane person pucker. These cars give the expression cheap speed and new lease on life and you'd be well off to drive them before making an argument otherwise.
In fact, I'd put Project EVO up against any real production car over the right road. It's that fast. "But the Corvette Z-06 runs a 12-second quarter mile" the dissenters will whine. "And the M3 defines refined performance." I don't care. Our EVO packs a relatively mild 30-additional hp, lives every second of its life on R-compound tires, has indestructible brake pads and a rear anti-roll bar that steps its already world-class handling up another notch on the Corvette ass-whoopin' scale.
It's easy to bench-race these cars if you haven't got one. The simple fact is, for the money, they are the most impressive machines the world has ever seen. More effort was spent making the EVO's steering as spectacular as it is than goes into the entire chassis of most cars.
I'll give you another example.My wife has a 1990 Acura Integra. It's bone stock down to what I think are the original equipment tires. It's got 100,000 miles on the clock, but has been maintained with excruciating detail, so it's an agreeable enough car. The best I can do around a certain on-ramp near my house is about 47 mph. With the poor Acura heeled over and its tires begging for mercy it's an adventure in tire-squealing, mirror-scraping terror. Still, I find myself passing people on the outside of the corner.
Project EVO brutalizes the tarmac on the same ramp at nearly twice that speed. And for all I know, it's still got a little left. It's fast enough to make me poop pink Ho Hos for a month.
You don't just ease your way into the abilities of these cars. They accelerate, stop and turn with confidence that's never existed, as far as I can tell, in any other cars. And the maneuvers you can pull off in them because of this confidence is ridiculous. Once you learn that they won't bite you defeating the road drones around on-ramps is just the beginning. It's way too easy, in fact.
Even so, my sense of social responsibility gets shaken from time to time. Editor Oldham notices it occasionally. Last week we were blasting up our benchmark road in the Santa Ana Mountains when, about halfway up, I backed off and cooled it the rest of the way. When we hit the top he asked me why.
"It just didn't seem worth it," I said. And that's exactly right. These cars are so fast that they stretch the limits of the risk vs. reward ratio. Especially on a road with hundreds of blind corners. So I slowed down. Like an old woman. But, Oldham has been there. And he was smarter than to chastise me for thinking better of questionable speed.
Sometimes I think maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm getting old. Then I realize that we're talking about inarguably the fastest point-to-point cars in the world. They are smoking fast. Everywhere. With huge sticky tires they carry cornering speed that is usually reserved for race tracks to every on-ramp we use.
That said, it's worth it. There has never been a better time to like small, fast and relatively cheap cars. Just be sure you use them carefully. Using them at their limits on public roads will propel you into a jail cell faster than you can say "When do I get my phone call?"
But you'll also experience driving like you never have before. The confidence, control and mostly the speed are astonishing. It's good soul-cleansing stuff if you love cars. Nothing like a little panic to go with your glee. It will make you wonder what planet everyone else is on as you sail past them in the outside lane of your favorite on-ramp.
Good luck.