I the world, there are many horrible things. Pissed-off women, prison rape, grandma panties, Rosie O'Donnell. But nothing is worse than the cursed project car. The cursed project car has the ability to kill. When left unchecked, it can turn perfectly sane men into sociopathic suicidal psychopaths that drool and wet themselves.
Don't think it can happen to you? No one ever does.
"I just figured I would add an intake and exhaust, cut the coils and slap on some wheels and tires like everyone else," says one victim. "The next thing I knew I was hacking at my wrists with a 10mm box wrench, pissing my Spiderman Underoos and drooling all over my new 'Battle of the Imports' T-shirt."
Not all project cars are evil, however. Take our Project Celica GT-S, for example. With the exception of the oversized rear wing, which was installed after a bout with the eggnog, this is a great car. It's understated, fast and it handles like its tires have been dipped in Elmer's.
After more than a year, we recently sent it back to Toyota, and it's already missed. That's right, it's no longer part of our fleet. Since the project began back in September 2000, our black Celica went from stocker to street fighter. With the exception of an intake and exhaust, we really concentrated on improving the Celica's handling. We added suspension parts from True Choice, AEM brake rotors, and Enkei LMF1 wheels, which it turned out never made it to the U.S. market.
Anyway, I hope you caught the big Celica track test in last month's issue. We felt it was a fitting finale to the project, which has been one of our favorites to share with you.
Another project we built without bloodshed is our Project Focus ZX3. You know, the yellow one. It, too, has just been returned to the Ford family after more than a year in our hands. But don't fret, Ford fans. We've just ordered a silver SVT Focus to replace it.
Which brings me to our latest project car. My Civic. Well, it's not really mine, but I have an unusual attachment to it. It's a 1999 Si, and it was a project car I built while working at "Popular Mechanics" a few years ago. Loyal SCC readers may remember it as the "PM" entry in the "Civic Si Challenge," in which SCC also participated.
Anyway, the car is back in my possession, after a turn in the One Lap of America, a stint at the Petersen Automotive Museum, and some time mothballed in the bowels of Honda's Torrance, Calif. headquarters. All the good parts are still on it, including the Jackson Racing supercharger, the DC Sports header and intake, the Tokico coil-overs and the Baer Racing brakes. But it could use some updating. Plus, I never really got to do up the interior or hook up the nitrous system like I originally planned. I'm thinking roll cage, racing seats and 100 shot.
So this is our latest project-only it will take place exclusively on our Web site, www.sportcompactcarweb.com. We may even fill the trunk with a stereo system, aided by the crew at "Auto Sound and Security" magazine.
The parts are already piling up in my office, including a set of 17-inch forged Center Line wheels that weigh only 15 lbs a piece.
Check it out. E-mail me with suggestions. I'm open to just about anything on this one. Just don't tell me to ditch the flame job.
I like it.